Life plays on my insecurities sometimes
I’m having one of those days today.
Felt slighted by one of my closest friends yesterday. Went to sleep to try to forget about/avoid dwelling on it (read: these are my current favorite euphemisms for “avoid dealing with it.”)
Turns out my subconscious drained my brain of energy all night, because I woke up more tired than when I went to bed.
Actually got out of bed with 3 minutes before I had to leave the house.
Hit my head this morning on the car door frame (I do this frequently, but it’s often punctuation on my less than splendid day).
Walked to the bus stop, ready to get into work early, and realized the streets were blocked.
Tried heading down an alternate route to avoid the mass of tourists that fill these days, and ended up taking a wrong turn and going in the opposite direction for a while.
Finally got to work, and realized my keys are nowhere to be found.
(Did i mention that we’re under the deadline for a mailing, and not getting in early means staying at work late?)
…It’s humid and wet outside and I’m around the corner from work this morning with no way to work until my boss gets in. This hasn’t been my best day.
And life plays on my insecurities… my boss is stressed… she responds to stress by getting curt and condescending with her words. I hate disappointing people, and I often allow fear of doing so to paralyze our interactions.
I try to hold relationships with an open hand, but there are a few where those are difficult for me to do so– these tend to be familial relationships. We haven’t always been close, and I fear that I’m going to lose them to something… I’m afraid we’re all going to fracture into factions again, so I let myself be hurt by things.
I’m learning how to figure stuff out… And after years of searching for a community in which to do that, I’m just going to draw together my own community. People divided are so easy for satan to prey on… I need a community around me again. To remind me of who God is. To remind me of who I am. To tell me the gospel again and again and again. And to remind me that this life is temporary and we’re striving for that which is eternal.
This is me. Thanks for being around for the ride.
Great start to the blog, Melinda, if not to your day! It actually ignites a bit of community around you as we have a chance to share in what’s going on with you.
Here’s my blog about a day like that i had:
http://www.sethbarnes.com/?filename=when-chaos-attacks-fight-back
Melinda, what a great writer you are! I started reading this and couldn’t stop! Isn’t it awful how everything that could go wrong seems to go wrong, even down to the littlest things, when we are having a crummy day? I read in Eastman’s “The Hour That Changes The World” that adoration is the antidote to satan’s lies that will creep in like poison. Keep praising Him even when you feel like poo. We all need community and we are here to lift you up when you feel down!
This is my favorite one. I feel like this a lot these days. I kind of wanted to be a hermit in Arizona and now that I am back I am just looking for some good people to chat with and get to know.